EWAABS Mobolize to Battle Alien Sex Fiends: “Say No to Big Lusty Lizards!”
by Former White Hat
For Immediate Release
(API) — Angry feminists are organizing to stamp out yet another outrage perpetrated by lustful entities that own a penis: sexual attacks by Cabalist aliens on earth women.
Hundreds of determined women are lining up to take lessons in judo and kung fu from Chodoin Daikaku, the Leader of the Martial Arts Societies, and the clone of the resurrected spirit of Bruce Lee; Sarah Stenga will provide video seminars for women to learn how to spot lurking honry lizard men and their gang-stalking spacecraft.
They say they’re going to make UFO abductions obsolete on earth by the end of 2013
“We’re fed up with space aliens abducting women and subjecting them to filthy attacks,” said Monica Raines, 42, head of the politucal activist group called Earth Women Against Alien Brutal Sex (EWAABS). “It’s bad enough when human males assault us. We’re not going to permit the practice to spread to extraterrestrials as well. This has become a galactic problem.”
“The women of Procyon endured sexual enslavement to reptillians and grays for 200 years,” says Professor Alexis du Bery, a sociologist at Duke University who researches the cultural effect alien-human sex has on society, “until they stood up and faught back, saying No to Big Lusty Lizard Penis.”
Over the past 50 years, UFO abductions have become increasingly common all over the world. Women suffer especially from these experiences, says Raines. A number of them have borne hybrid babies resulting from extraterrestrial rapes. Some are used repeatedly for alien orgies and sex rituals involving Satanic bankers and politicians.
Professor du Bery says the U.S military often kidnaps women for the aliens, called Project Milab Babes, to maintain a treaty the governments of the world signed with extraterrtrials. “It is known as the Pussy-for-Advanced Technology Agreement, or PATA.
“We want women all over the country to realize that these terrible things can happen to them,” she said. “and we want them to know what they can do to defend themselves.”
And from that philosophy, the Anti-PATA Movement emerged.
“We’re getting militant,” says Raines. “We’re planning to set up groups around the world to inform women and train them in self- defense. We’re putting out a book giving tips on avoiding space rape abductions called How to Block the Reptoid Cock.”
While interstellar and extra-dimensional sexual assault mosty happens to women, a small percentage of men also experience this from these nasty alien sex fiends.
EWAABS say you can’t elude a determined alien if he is really intent on getting you, but you can do certain things to make yourself less attractive — and hopefully send him elsewhere for a victim. They offer gals the following pointers on how to avoid UFO abductions and rape:
- WEAR YELLOW: Aliens don’t like yellow — especially mustard yellow and have never abducted anyone wearing that color.
- DON’T DRIVE OR GO OUT AT NIGHT: If you must go somewhere, use music as a protection. Switch your car radio or boombox to easy-listening, Muzak-type tunes that aliens hate. Harp and zither music also drives them away.
- USE A PROTECTIVE SCENT: Oddly enough, mosquito repellant will ward off space aliens. So will the odor of bourbon whiskey, which can be splashed on like perfume for alien protection.
- NEVER, EVER, GO ANYWHERE ALONE: Aliens rarely abduct anyone in front of witnesses.
- BATHE OFTEN: Spacemen locate most of their victims by body odor. If you’re scentless, they will choose someone else.
- WEAR PLATINUM: Platinum causes space alien appliances to malfunction.